Glee Quotes 2.03 "Grilled Cheesus"

2.03 Grilled Cheesus Still 04 HQ

Finn: I busted out the George Foreman. It wasn’t makin’ the cool grill marks it used to after I tried to use it to dry my shoes.

Finn: When I pulled the sandwich out, I saw the face of God literally. I had made a grilled cheesus.

Finn: I’m not the most religious guy. I sort of worship Eric Clapton and Ochocinco.

Finn: Dear grilled cheesus. First of all you’re super delicious.

Finn: Please grilled cheesus, please let us win our first football game. It would mean so much to Artie and I think you kind of owe it to him. I mean you did sort of screw him in the leg department.

Kurt: Suzanne Somers says that skipping breakfast is suicide.

Finn: Something happened to me and I can’t really get into it, but it’s shaken me to my core.
Puck: Oh my God he’s coming out.

Quinn: I, for one, wouldn’t mind saying thanks.
Santana: Thanks for what? That it didn’t come out a lizard baby?

Brittany: Whenever I pray I fall asleep.

Puck: I’m a total Jew for Jesus. He’s my number one Heb.

Puck: I see God every time I make out with a new chick.

Finn: Dating Rachel is great, but she’s kind of a prude.

Finn (about Rachel): Her boobs aren’t that great, but they’re still girl boobs and I’d really like to touch them.

Kurt: I think God is kind of like Santa Claus for adults.

Kurt: You can’t prove there isn’t a magic teapot floating around the dark side of the moon with a dwarf inside of it that reads romance novels and shoots lightening out of its boobs.

Brittany: Is God an evil dwarf?

Sue: If your kids want to praise Jesus in class I suggest they enroll at Sweet Holy Mother of God Academy on I Love Jesus Street.

Finn: You’re upset about Kurt’s dad, too?
Rachel: Yes, but more importantly let’s discuss your newfound love for Jesus and how it’s affecting me.

Rachel: I need to know that when I’m 25, and have won a bunch of Tonys, and I’m ready to have intercourse and babies, that those babies will be raised in a certain way.
Finn: You’re really not going to have sex until your 25?

Rachel: Both of my dads’ peoples were slaves once. I need to know that my children will be free to worship in a way that I decide is right.

Finn (to Rachel): They should totally go to Jew church, and wear those hats, and eat that salty orange stuff with their bagels.

Brittany: I made him a card that says heart attacks are just from loving too much.

Sue (to Kurt): I’m sorry for what you’re going through lady. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I guess I don’t have to. I think Mary Lou Retton is like an orphan or something.

Sue (to Kurt): I know I mess around with you guys for fun. I admit it. It aids digestion.

Sue: Asking someone to believe in a fantasy, however comforting, isn’t a moral thing to do. It’s cruel.

Sue: It’s as arrogant as telling someone how to believe in God and if they don’t accept it, no matter how open-hearted and honest their dissent, they’re going to Hell.

Sue (to Emma): I realize you’re only half orangutan, but I’m still very allergic to your lustrous, ginger mane.

Tina: Last week we were too sexy, this week we’re too religious. We can’t win!
Brittany: Now you know what my life feels like.

Rachel: The real tragedy here is that I found the most perfect spiritual song to sing this week and now it’s been torn away from me like Sophie’s daughter.

Finn (to Cheesus): You’ve given me everything I prayed for and it turns out that Rachel’s boobs are really awesome.

Kurt: Mercedes, you had me at fabulous hat.

Finn: Jesus appeared to me on a sandwich and it has special powers.

Emma (to Finn): God didn’t let you touch Rachel’s boobs. Rachel did.